We need, from time to time, to remind our gooey little hearts to hold their horses.🌸
You have no idea such an incident affected me.
Personality-wise so that now I want to change aspect in my personality because extensively inspired by his radiant character.
His age and the influence.
He is gada3, just how I like to be with people.
His chivalry and generosity of character and softness of heart and enthusiasm at helping others and his passion in loving Egypt and its people give me unimaginable goosebumps.
I’ve been thinking lately and really confused about the “my type” of men. For sure I know that I love the humorous type. I love the masculine. I love the kindhearted.
Eslam, you deeply influenced me. My thoughts, my vision, and I dare say my heart.
<< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsWcfOdH9Oc&fbclid=IwAR3nXvCqn-MEx6KwhygbeLPf7Tx-5ChLZm1R8HVd2YUyz__NTgo42H8Arwg >>I swear to ALLAH, this is the same how I feel.
I found a video of his cousin, a few days after the death. His cousin who was younger talked about a dream he had of Eslam. In that dream, his cousin saw Eslam telling him to keep praying Fagr on time and never miss it. When I searched more in Eslam’s account, I found a post for him talking about a habit of him from 10 years or maybe more, he used to pray Fagr on time in the mosque. Masgid El Sayea Nafesa in particular.
God help me.
Eslam taught me that the love of Allah is much much much better than everything else in life, which is what I all want in my life from now on.
Now I promise myself and Allah and will use the same word that you said:
“أقسم بالله ما هاعمل حاجة حرام تاني”
I swear to Allah, I’ll never do any other wrong deeds. AS MUCH AS I CAN. Until God’s love has filled my heart, my soul, my mind and thoughts, and my whole being in sha’ ALLAH. And I will move move move with all my energy to build and produce and help.
[22:44, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: You know what?
[22:44, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: I too love nerdiness
[22:44, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Today I had to deal with a doctor
[22:45, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: He was explaining a case and telling my family what’s wrong and so on
[22:45, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: And I was concentrating with him 3aady
[22:45, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: But I found that later on during his talking
[22:47, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: As if he figured out my existence and the fact that I’m paying him all of my attention (3aady because he’s saying something important), he started to give me a fair share of eye contact.
[22:47, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: And I was FREAAAAKING satisfied at that.
[22:47, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: I felt appreciated.
[22:47, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Because usually I’m not given that attention
[22:48, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: I’m usually treated as the 3ayyela soghayyara malhash lazma
[22:48, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Unintentionally from the addresser
[22:48, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: But I usually get those vibes
[22:49, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Today, I experienced brand new vibes(when I’m with family)
[22:49, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: And I loved that a lot
[22:51, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: And this gave me some sense of: maybe he thinks I’m a person to be appreciated and worthy of sharing eye contact with, orrrrrr maybe he had that subtle vague distant crush on me
[22:51, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Which in turn
[22:51, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Made me feel like I’m not less generous not to reciprocate
[22:52, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: So I subtly vaguely distantly reciprocated 😁😁
[22:52, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: He was tall and very masculine
[22:52, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Very deep voice
[22:52, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Very dedicated to his work and seems he knows what he’s doing
[22:53, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: He also seemed a little humorous too
[22:53, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: He’s not the looks I’d go for tbh
[22:53, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: I don’t like hairy guya
[22:54, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Sometimes hairiness turn me off
[23:00, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: I also noticed he had no ring in his left hand
[23:00, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: Look, he’s not my point tbh
[23:01, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: my point is,
[23:01, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: life has many candies :DDD
[23:01, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: We should carefully choose the candy that we’ll have for the rest of our lives
[23:02, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: and make sure it’s not rotten that once the sugar coat is done, the ruined part appears and makes us sick
[23:02, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: nor is it too sweet that it will turn us off (negza3) after a little while
[23:04, 12/02/2020] Yomna Seddik: It should be like strawberry, you can eat it as a sweet fruit, and yet still it has its fair share of sourness that wouldn’t turn you off of it after a while
The moment you know your worth, without the urge of seeking approval from the anonymous social consensus, is probably the moment you take the first step towards your genuine self-actualization!
Good morning dear doctor Heba. :))
Let me ask this simple straightforward question:
Do you think I should drop out this year and apply again next year?
I know messenger is not the best means of communication and that I needed to meet you many many time across the semester to seek your constant consult, were it only not because of my work schedule. But let me clarify a few points. I believe I haven’t started this semester the right way. A lot of perplexities has happened to me be it not taking bibliography (I know I should have consulted you, but I didn’t have the opportunity) and also changing courses amid semester therefore increasing the load. Another thing is that I haven’t prepared myself enough for the MA. I have to admit I never thought it would be that heavy even with only two courses. Now as I am unfolding different aspects of my personality (I would like to call it my character is being developed), I have figured out other aspects that are as well not helping me make it this year. I believe I need to prepare myself by reading a lot and exposing myself more to literature and other fields before being ready to contribute to the production of knowledge myself. Another thing is, that I have recently researched the matter and now I strongly suspect that I have ADHD_Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder_.
I’ll very soon in sha’ ALLAH meet a psychiatrist to officially confirm it to me.
And this, as the acronym implies, means that I have very poor concentration abilities, am VERY VERY VERY easily distracted while trying to focus on anything, face extreme difficulty breaking tasks down and organizing myself and my time. (I have finally found a medical condition that explains why I always come late yaaaaay , for one symptom of people with ADHD is that they are ALWAYS late, which is aka Yomna)
Therefore, I exert more than 100% effort in insignificant stuff that I believe are significant (which is a typical ADHD thing), thus I am always always mentally tired. I hope this makes sense.
I told you before I am a slow reader. And yes there are many slow readers who aren’t necessarily with ADHD. But being a slow reader because of having ADHD is a totally different thing. I also strongly suspect that I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). And not in the romantic stereotypical sense that I am a perfectionist and I like everything to be well done. No! When I mean OCD, it’s OCD. Repetitive compulsive actions. Like reading a page and yet still feeling like I haven’t read it enough so I reread it (OCD). And reading a page and grasping it and flip the page and absolutely forget what I have read the previous one (ADHD). Doctor, I swear, I can talk about all the symptoms that I have concerning these two disorders that I can write endlessly. I could tell you stuff, upon which, you might feel I’m mentally ill or something. I’ve always thought I was abnormal and I never told anyone about what I’ve been suffering my whole life. It wasn’t until a couple of years when I knew there was something called OCD that could finallyyyyyyyy explain why I’ve been doing what I’m doing. And just a few days when I stopped and researched ADHD and was literally crying hard that I finally THANK GOD have found something that expresses my dilemma SO CLEARLY!!! I hope I hooooooope I am making sense.
Yes I know you might think that how can I be sure when I haven’t yet been officially diagnosed by these disorders by professionals. I’ve heard this twice recently. However, I am strongly positive I have them because I’ve made much research about this and LITERALLY every every every symptom applies to me!
Anyway, let me return back to why such a thing could be hindering me from pursuing my MA studies. Due to lack of my organization and lack of concentration, I always tend to accumulate stuff for/to/on me (not quit sure of the correct preposition :DD), I just can’t seem right now to sit and focus on my soon-to-be-delivered-tasks and actually accomplish them. That’s all in addition to a whole lot of self-doubt and other unhealthy thoughts. I’m afraid of losing, of failing.
Yet still, I really really need to pursue my MA. It’s like I have all the reasons to want to do it. I absolutely have the potential, it’s only like right now I don’t have the right tools to do it. Add to that, the wrong way I started this semester. So my point is, if I give myself some time until next year isA, I would read the 90 classical literature books that I gathered their names in one paper and put up on my wall right in front of my desk. I would try to take a step towards knowing myself better and sorting out this ADHD if I could. I would somehow reduce the stress of not coping, not being able to follow up, the constant feeling of being afraid to fail and so on.
A random question asked by a random stranger on a FB group with no clue about the context.
“Either you sort it out or you take the decision to get over (i.e. recuperate) but not to “FORGET”, because forgetting is such a BIG FALLACY!
You’ll forget now and after 10 years a little stupid tiny trigger will bring you 10 years back to the SAAAAME position. The idea of forgetting is a trap my dear, don’t get captivated in it. Sort it out or recuperate.”
TOO STRESSED. Afraid of eventually losing what I’ve been trying to achieve. FIERCELY STRUGGLING WITH ADHD, yet expected to sit down and FOCUS (the very word I can’t handle and yet the VERY word I am MOST demanded to do) because my future depends on that. Filled with self-doubt. Restlessly overthinking. Not having enough sleep. Not even doing 30% of what I SHOULD do. I’m just too afraid of losing, of failing. I’m trying to undergo a journey of self-actualization but I seem not to have the adequate tools to do that (but I really have the intention and ambition, but not the ability).
Black suit’s engaged
It took me a minute to recall. I thought it was a movie name
I AM FULLY ENTRAPPED IN AN ENDLESS CYCLE OF NOSTALGIA!!
- 7osain ✓
- October ✓
- EL Mataar
- El mo2attam
- Koll el amaken el athareyya felqahera
- Any place I’d buy wallpaper from and I’ll cover my whole room with it isA
- Bab Elshe3reyya
- El 3abbaseyya ✓
- Koll 5toot el metro w koll el ma7attat.. ya3ny anzel kol ma7atta w a5rog astakshef el mante2a dy
- wekalet el bala7
- el azhar
- el tagammo3 ✓
- el re7ab