Warning: on period and listening to Fayrouz (Ya Karm el 3alaly)

I mean yes I decide I don’t want to be in a relationship before I am accomplished the way I want.

But, I mean, sometimes one needs some romance in one’s own life. I mean sometimes I crave the feeling of being wanted and loved and yearned for and stuff like that.

And when that happens, I think of him. Shall I say unfortunately?

He is a humongous inspiration that I should target someone never less accomplished. Sometimes my mind is illusioned that I mistake him for my desired lover.

He doesn’t fit in that role. He doesn’t have the emotional range of a spoon. He doesn’t have an emotional range. He is a cold person with zero sympathy. Therefore, I never feel sympathy for him. I never pity him.

My friend once told me that the difference between us is massive. He is an old soul who seems to want to rest and stay calm, while I am full of life and energy.

It’s as if he’s black and white and I’m a whole spectrum of colors.

I am an enormously emotional person with sympathy and empathy for all human beings. I feel, that is. Does he? I doubt.

I savor aesthetics: emotions, music, poetry, books, people, humanistic details.
What does he savor? Food (Turkish desserts and pistachio). He sucks at poetry. He write sick poetry and thinks he’s a master. He thinks so much of himself. He favors his self and his own desires.

I felt motherly affection for him. I wanted to add color to his life. I wanted to be his best friend.
Did he know that? Did he appreciate that? Did he feel anything near what I felt? Duh

I don’t know he’ll keep haunting my consciousness and unconsciousness for how long. Until I meet new people? Part of me, no all of me, doesn’t want to settle for anything less. It’s my pride and dignity as well.

Until that happens some way God decided for me in sha’ ALLAH, I’ll keepy working on myself.

Strengthen Yomna. Fortify Yomna. Yomna will conquer the world.