A Realization?
Now I will just write.
A thought came to me today morning. Why do I care so much? What is so exceptional about him? He’s not the perfect listener even though he supposedly has skilled this thing because of his job. He’s not a real listener. He’s a fake one. feshenk. There are better real listeners in this world who can give me a lot. But why him? He’s not attractive. Okay maybe tall and a little slim, but that’s definitely all. So I think it’s all about his success and the boost in the social ladder he might add to me. The buzz around him. He appears on TV. He seems to have the brains (he doesn’t, I swear. He can’t even handle simple mathematical calculations. He only can memoriiiiiize. His memory, God bless, is from steal. THAT’S ALL.) So it’s that aura of success around him that makes him look glamorous.
Now the question is, why would I want to feel accomplished simply by being with him?
The GOLDEN question is WHY don’t I achieve that same aura of success myself? I’ll feel like I can do without him. I CAN DO WITHOUT HIM; That’s a fact. So why waste my energy, emotions, and time on someone who actually doesn’t deserve the fuss? Who gives me NOTHING special. Who gives everyone else what he gives me. Who gives another girl much more than what he gives me. Ironically, he most probably is seeking that other girl for the same reason I’m seeking him; it’s the aura of fame and success and the feeling of accomplishment she’ll give him by simply agreeing to be with him. Can you see the irony?
Much as I want him now, I’m still with my weak self. I still haven’t flourished. I’m still in the dark. I want him now because I still wait for what he’ll give me by simply being with me. The question is: do I love him? Perhaps not. Perhaps yes. But what I really need to do is to ignore the mere existence of him, because HE DOESN’T DESERVE!
Random Thoughts 